Elvis has soooo left the building!

What is it with Elvis impersonators?

This question was posed this week during a throwaway conversation with my friend, with the nub of the enquiry based around the question of why it is an unavoidable fact that they are all, pretty much without exception, 'doing' him in his later days.

The reason for this?

Well I have a theory.......

Consider, the man himself, in his prime, was the finest specimen that God ever chose to bestow upon womankind. I have yet to happen on a female that doesn't think he was at least in the top 5.

Forget the yays and nays of talent, credibility (which I would like to say I think were considerable) and his hideous decline and demise; physically, he was something marvellous to behold.

I remind you of images of him in uniform in the 50's, black leather-clad, unplugged (not as it sounds!) and frenzy-inducing in the late sixties, and the marvellous spectacle in Las Vegas in 1970, a mere 7 years before his untimely and visually displeasing end.

The man was simply stunning in his prime.

I was raised on the man and his music, by my mum.

She was never the kind of fan that had posters and mirrors (can still be found at 'fun' fairs, next to the poor suffering fish) but she basically has everything he recorded, and most of it is on original vinyl.

Anyway, I now see her point.

So back to the original theme, and I want to say that I just find it quite bizarre that men of a certain age group and disposition, and apparently body shape, are always the ones to take up the challenge to emulate this legend. This one off.

Why is it rarely, if ever, anyone making a serious attempt at the job before the poor guy had been at the hands of Doctor Nick? Why is it always the guy who looks like he's also been on uppers, downers, in ya's and out ya's, whose fry ups and beer swilling show like the foot-long, deep-fried bacon-double-cheese-peanut butter and jelly sandwiches of Elvis' downfall?

Where's the stunning, sexually charged man who made pubescent girls weep, bored housewives feel again and church-goers feel faint and call to burn him?

There is a simple answer: It cannot be done.

The prime image cannot be adequately brought to life. He was just too uniquely handsome, too uniquely charged.

So we are treated instead, as if it is in any way some class of compensation, to the dedicated many who feel they are somehow being unique and outstanding in their form of homage.

To bring clarity and closure to my point, I give you THE single most disturbing image I have personally ever seen, and I can only hope that Elvis Aaron Presley truly did pop his bejewelled jumpsuit on 16th August 1977 and is not living in Hampshire under the name of Jim Bloggins, Fishmonger, or he will surely be beyond consolation.

I apologise in advance for the image you are about to see.

N.B. Young children and pets should be well away from the area when viewing the following Hunk O' Hunk of Burning Love.


Even the man himself had the good grace to peg out before he inflicted this kind of visual pain upon us, and for that deed alone, he surely deserves a place right next to the hand of God.