I don't know where he gets it from....

I went to Ibiza for the first time when I was 31, just 4 years ago.

I was with my beloved, and we were having the most relaxed and fun holiday we'd ever had together, just taking it easy, eating well and seeing the best the place has to offer (which is considerable if you care to look past the likes of Sky One exposes!)

A few friends were flying out a few days after us, so we decided to hold down the full-on clubbing bit until they got there.

In the meantime, we chilled and walked and enjoyed the sun and each other, for 3 blissful days.

On the third night, we had a lovely late meal in a bay restaurant and shared a bottle of bubbly. Very nice too, and it was all we needed before deciding to go back to our room and relax up.

On our way back, we came across a scantily-clad young lady (about 17), a bit worse for wear and crying. She'd had a row with her boyfriend and he'd gone off, and all her friends were expecting them in a club about half a mile away, and she was scraed to walk alone.............so we said we were happy to walk her there and make sure she met with her friends; no problem at all.

Good deed done, girlie considerably more cheerful than when we came across her, we were happy responsible adults, at one with whole scene.

Almost back to the apartment, I spot a gorgeous little bar that is lit up, and so inviting, stretching out on a little island that goes from the beach out to the sea.

Hundreds of little fish swim around the underwater light, in the clear, warm water that is all over the Balearics.

Anyway, I suggest we go and have 'a little nightcap', and we go off down to this little bar.

The barman is the smiliest man you ever saw, and there is a hearty german resident already having around about his 10th nightcap.

Anyway, I suggest to my beloved that it might be a good idea to finish with some Tequilla!

This smiley barman thinks it might be a good idea to pour us double tequillas!

They slip down no problem, and we go for round 2.........

About 5 minutes after round 1 was working it's magic, round 2 of the double whammy's, was heading for out pea-sized brains.

Yet still no real affect it seemed. You know how it is.

Ten minutes later, we shout up the final double shots and call it a night.

NOW we're feeling it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have no recollection of actually leaving that bar, even now.

Anyway, we are weaving and swaying and laughing our heads off at the sudden state we find ourselves in, and all the while, my head was giving marvellous advice to my knees, shouting 'Lock damn you! Lock!'

But they would not.

They were of rubber!

Like a baby deer I was!

I have no recollection of how my beloved was making this journey, but I do know that at the point when we were just 150 yards from home, arm in arm and creased up with laughter, we lost footing.

We reeled, as if we were skating backwards, in a fluid movement.....

CRASH!!!! Straight thorough a massive pane of glass, into the ground level dining room of a hotel!!

It was 2.00am I am thankful to report, or I would have been face down in someone's Gaspacho!!

Suffice to say, we were very lucky that we had our heads still attached and just the forty stitches between us.

For the next 4 days, we could not swim or shower properly or sunbathe.

How to trash a holiday in three easy double Tequillas!

On the night we were leaving Ibiza, we were taking one last stroll through a street market.

A Spanish Hippy tapped me on one of the shoulders where some of my stitches were clearly visible.....

He asks, 'Moto accident?'

I say 'No, tequilla!'

He says 'Mucho Tequilla?'

I say, 'Si. MUCHO Tequilla!'

He waggles a stump that used to be his little finger and says 'Ahhh, mucho Vodka!'.

God knows what his full story was, but I felt so much better; I had all my digits, my head, my limbs...all good!

Got a couple of scars from the experience, but it all adds character doesn't it?!