Sentiments not catered for at Clintons

With the new year come lots of January birthdays, and they are all birthdays of some of my nearest and dearest.

In fact, it begins on 30th December, and then there is at least one birthday every week it seems, until about May!

There is such an array of cards to choose from, and it is guaranteed, even if the buying is left until the very last minute, you can get hold of an appropriate card for births, deaths, marriages, good luck, congratulations, 18th, 21st, Mothers day or Valentine.

But what of the other sentiments that simply must be conveyed?

'Left blank for your own message'?? Not good enough!

There remains a huge gap in the market, and I hope that these little pointers might inspire some of you to at least get your art and craft materials out, and make a card that really says it like it is.

My tire was thumping,I thought it was flat
When I looked at the tyre...I noticed your cat.
Sorry!

Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it
She moved in with me.

Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder..."What the hell was I thinking?"

Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.

How could two people as beautiful as you have such an ugly baby?

I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.
After meeting you, I've changed my mind.

I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.

As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...That you're not here to ruin it for me.

Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.

Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

Happy birthday!
You look great for your age.
Almost Lifelike!

When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.

We have been friends for a very long time ..let's say we stop?

I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here.

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?

Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday...So we're having you put to sleep.

So your daughter's lap-dancing and it spoiled your day.
Look on the bright side....it's really good pay.