Spider!!...Oh Man!

I'm not scared of spiders, per se.

I should be. My mum is terrified of the things, and splats them or sucks them up the hoover to a fluffy turbo demise.

I'm happy to capture the slightly larger types and put them outside, or leave them to their own little wonderous world of web weaving if they are small and wispy.

But this story begins about a week ago, when I got up at 6.00am to see Charlie off.

I decided to just stay up, get some housework done, cup of tea, you know the kind of thing, before getting in the bath and ready for work.

I came in to the living room, and caught sight of the darkest spider I have ever seen, and certainly the biggest one in this flat. Thick legs, and a sizeable body. Usually, living 6 floors up, we just get the wispy bathroom type spiders, and they are all good. I can deal with them.

But this was a serious spider, and it was so high up on the wall, that it was too close to the ceiling for me to catch with the old 'glass/piece of paper' trick that I normally employ for such matters. And I would have had to be balancing on the arm of the couch. Unfair advantage to Spidey.

Oh Lord! What a quandary!

If I go too near, it will run (and this is the bit about spiders I do not like) and then I'll be all cold-sweaty and freaked out!

So, I opt to go back to bed, bugger the housework, don't really fancy tea!

I shut the bedroom door and hope he'll just take the DVD player and nobody will get hurt!

I get up an hour later, and Spidey is gone.........................DVD and the family silver still present and correct.

I convince myself that he actually left via an exit and is not holed up, ready to spring out on me at any given moment, and I go about my business for the next week or so.........

And then this morning, just as I am about to get into the bath, there he is, on the spare loo roll basket!

All dark and fat legged! Ooooooohhhhh!!!!

Ok, so I'm a rational woman, and I try and coax the little (oh lord) fella onto the floor.

He's not happy, not a relaxed spider (haven't met one yet!) and makes a dash for it, across the floor. Where my bare feet are! And my bath towels await!

I was so relieved that he ran in another direction, under the toiletries holder.

And when I pick this up to reveal his new whereabouts, the light makes him curl up into a dead form!

It was quite fantastic really, in that he looked all dry and properly shrivelled, like spiders do when they are!

So I dash to the kitchen, freezing and naked, but determined to rid my life of this problem in a humane way, and grab a glass and paper.

I find Spidey still curled up, looking a tad frozen and naked himself, and I pop the glass over him.

The second I do that, he springs to life! Oh Lordy!!!!!!

I slip the paper underneath, trapping a bloody thick leg in the process (sorry Spidey, if you're reading this from Spider Hospital) leave it on the floor to don some class of clothing, and return to scoop the whole thing up, to empty it over the balcony.

When I get this thing to eye level though, Jesus H. Christ on a bike! It's front fang looking parts were clearly visible! It was really a serious spider.

And it was pissed right off in the glass/paper prison I had it in. All grabby legs and searching for an escape route. Urrrggghhh!

So as I said, I am not scared of spiders, per se, but that bad boy had me shivering and convulsing for a good five minutes after I watched him float 6 floors down onto the grass.

I wish him well, but would really like it if he never came back.